Cake Is Racist

When I think about social justice, I think about the young. We are fighting this fight so that they can grow up in a sanitized world without disagreeable thoughts. That’s why it is so troubling to see what I saw in Gawker this morning.

Cake Is Racist

Cake Is Racist

A girl from the Delta Gamma Sorority at the University of Maryland celebrated her 21st birthday with a cake that had “Suck a Nigga Dick” written on it. To make matters worse, they posted a photo of this slavery inducing baked good on Instagram.

The racist cake was allegedly inspired by a Three Six Mafia song by that title. However, using the N-word is black privilege, not white privilege. Black people are allowed to be racist because they have been oppressed for a million years. Women like the one in the picture are not allowed to be racist because she is white.

White women are allowed to be sexist against men, like me, but not racist. Misandry is the only proper bigotry for this privileged white woman to be engaged in.

Luckily, the sorority realized that this cracker was engaging in the wrong kind of bigotry, and issued a statement on their Facebook page this morning;

We have become aware of an unacceptable Instagram post by a member of our chapter. The Fraternity volunteers and staff are working with our chapter at the University of Maryland at this time to hold this member accountable. Delta Gamma Fraternity is a dynamic organization committed to diversity and does not discriminate on the basis of race, religious affiliation, color, creed, national origin, sexual orientation, marital status or physical disability. All efforts are in place to guarantee those selected for membership are committed to living our values. Delta Gamma stands for high ideals of friendship, promoting cultural and educational interests, a true sense of social responsibility and developing the best qualities of character.

I appreciate the efforts of the Delta Gamma sorority, but I don’t think they go far enough.

This cake was obviously brought about by the capitalist baking industry. Capitalism is racist, baking is capitalist, and so it should come as a surprise to nobody that cake is racist. That’s why I’m calling on all my brother and sister social justice warriors to boycott cake.

Until these capitalist bakers come up with a way to make their products safe from racism, I shall refrain from consuming their products, and you should too. I sent Barack Obama a text message this morning asking him to join us, but I think someone else has his phone because they keep replying “Leave me alone fgt”.

  • janet

    Kind makes this article racist. Just saying…. I would really like to see my white privilege. It seems everyone cries out, white people are racist and privileged. I would like them to show me, my privilege. So, I don’t have to worry about paying bills or buying food , and fear of lossing one of my part time jobs.
    I decorate cakes for part of my income and I have never ever been asked to do anything racist or deplorable like this picture.

  • Rob

    WTF is wrong with you? The only racist thing here is the author of this bigoted crap. If i have privlage based on my skin and sex, i havn’t seen it. Why dont you do yourself a favour and quit blaiming everyone else for your own ignorance?

  • Ian

    Not sure if satire…

    • pyrodice

      clearly is.

  • joe

    You know the most troubling part of this article to me? The statement that there is a proper bigotry for anyone to be involved in. Shame on you. Guess you never heard Dr. King say that hate cannot drive out hate, but only love can. Love is not giving people permission to be bigoted.

  • Joey

    If I say something and it offends you. I would like you to know now. I truly don’t give a shit! Walk it off!

  • Bruce

    “We are fighting this fight so that they can grow up in a sanitized world without disagreeable thoughts.”

    No… no we aren’t… and no one wants that. That would be a terrible, terrible world where people can’t think what they want, and say what they want. Free speech… free thought…. keep your thought police thinking to yourself.

    • JD Evans

      You should be locked up, commie. Thought police and their ilk (or elk, either one) are the only things that separate our polite Western civilization from the marauding ISIS clans (or klans — stupid spellcheck.)

      • pyrodice

        I keep forgetting just how satirical this page is when it shows up in my notifications…

  • Live free

    might be the dumbest thing I’ve read in a while.

  • Yo momma

    Way to get down for the struggle brother. Power to the people!

    • Rothbardian Slip


  • JD Evans

    NONE of us are FREE until cake is free!

  • Zach Quarry

    The cake is a lie.