Merry MLK Day!

Merry MLK Day!

Merry MLK Day!

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which in my home, is kind of like Christmas. The stockings have been hung from the fireplace, the tree is sparkling, and this morning we all woke up early, opened the envelopes that Dr. King left under the tree for us, and filled out our taxes early to celebrate.

I love Martin Luther King, because I’m not a racist. If you don’t love Martin Luther King, you are a racist, and that’s the problem with the typical white male persona. I actually saw one blogger saying bad things about MLK. I instantly realized he was a white capitalist, and that just explained everything I needed to know. There wasn’t much point in reading what had been said about the good reverend, because anything but praise for him and the Virgin Coretta is heresy. I will not subject my immortal soul to damnation just to read the racist rantings of some white capitalist. 

Capitalists often prove the racism inherent in their economic theories by condemning Martin Luther King as a socialist. This is proof that capitalism is racist. Martin Luther King was black, and believed in socialism. If you disagree with him, that means you’re a racist plain and simple. So how can capitalism be anything other than racism with money? When are you white people going to wake up and check your privilege?

Yes, Martin Luther King was a socialist. What else could he have been? Capitalism breeds inequality, and inequality is oppression. We should all be the same, no matter what our age, gender, skin color, or ability to perform a particular task may be. Your freedom of association only goes so far as someone else’s desire to use your property or make demands of your services. That’s what freedom is all about, people getting to do what they want, with whatever they want, and having no negative consequences whatsoever.

Martin Luther King had a dream, but that dream is far from realized. As long as innocent black people are being killed while they commit strong armed robberies, there is racism in the world. America needs to step up to the 21st century and legalize theft. It is racist and homophobic to expect black people to pay for things.

We have to stop being distracted by petty issues like taxation and gun control, and focus on what really matters. Race. When black people are killed, we have to ignore everything else, and focus on the color of their skin in order to fully realize Martin Luther King’s dream.

But black people aren’t the only ones being discriminated against, and it is time we stood up for them too.

For far too long, men have oppressed women. We have to stop these vicious thugs from saying hello to women on the streets. We have to stop their misogynist television commercials, pornography, and prostitution. We have to stop taking facts into account when we hear about rape allegations like the one at UVA. Whether or not Jackie was raped is not the issue, the fact of the matter is, she feels victimized, and that alone means somebody needs to go to prison. To say anything else is to support legalized rape.

Keeping wheelchair bound persons and social security recipients out of the National Football League has to end. While I thank the NFL for doing so much to raise black people up in society, they need to stop discriminating against other groups that society has left behind.

We need more Asian basketball players, more black golf players, more fat horse jockeys, more female coal miners, and fewer white male capitalists making racist cakes and exploiting the Japanese for their Hibachi grills.

Until then, I will keep up the fight for social justice in America. I will proudly scream and yell at strangers wherever I may find them, until they check their privilege, give up their guns, and redistribute all the property evenly. It will be a hard battle, and I will likely die a martyr, but if I cannot die a martyr, then I shall live as one.

Merry MLK Day Everybody!

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  • David Black

    This was a well written fluff piece. In fact, of the many fluff pieces I’ve stumbled upon, this one is the fluffiest. It made no mention of anything factual and simply served as a “capitalism is racist” hate vessel- . If I were a pseudo-intellectual, I too would write something this infantile- however, only if… Perhaps, in the interest of actual intellectualism, the author might want to take the time to cite some facts before writing a piece of such witty arrogance.

    Of course, once the author mentions anything about “social justice”, “privilege”, property redistribution, then we immediately understand this isn’t an author with knowledge of reality.

  • Rothbardian Slip

    Power to the people!

  • Rothbardlover

    Hey Antonio, did your fake girlfriend give you a tax paper today in celebration?!

    Haha, I love this site. Perfect satire.

  • Azzmador

    You’ve really lost it, Buehler. It’s no wonder you became so irrelevant so quickly.

  • Doofor

    If you have the power to opt out of the race. If no force is involved, then racism can be ethical. Assuming your race phyle can live and let live with other phyles and those who remain non-aligned.

    The real problem with racism is it’s just another justification fallacy for oppression and violating the Non-Aggression Principle.